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Immutable Laws of The Server Room

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by zebulebu, Oct 31, 2009.

  1. zebulebu

    zebulebu Terabyte Poster

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    Post yours here.

    My two to get this started:

    1 - The Law of Exponential Cable-Twist Multiplication

    Wherein the entanglement-to-time-spent-untwisting ratio is directly proportionate to the number of 3M Cat5/6 cables in any single given container, and growth by even a single cable multiplies this exponentially each time a cable is added. 2 cables = 10 seconds, 3 cables = 30 seconds, 4 cables = 2 minutes etc etc. 40 cables in a single plastic crate, chuck in a few RJ11 phone leads and some 12v power adapters with skinny cords and you may as well try solving a Rubik's cube in one hand and the LeMarchand Configuration in the other simultaneously. Blindfolded.

    2 - The Law of Equidsitance relating to SAN Disk failures

    Wherein the time of failure of a second SAN disk on the same date will be calculated - to the nanometre - to occur at a point equidistant between your frickin data centre and your frickin office after you have just frickin left one for the frickin other.
     
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  2. Arroryn
    Honorary Member

    Arroryn we're all dooooooomed

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    Having a fun day, Mr Zeb?

    I can think of billions of potential funnies, and absolutely no way of posting them in the same witty manner you just have.

    I think I'll go give the grey matter a rest, and come back in the morning!

    I got as far as the 'Quantum Comms Room' and putting the new guy in there with a patch cable. Someone else can make up the rest, relative to all the epic fails that have been experienced afterwards...
     
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  3. jk2447

    jk2447 Petabyte Poster Moderator

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    I'll give it a go. . . .

    3. The law of deposition by sub space anomoly

    The unexplained phenomenon where by you go into a nice clean server room one day, and the next day its littered with failed disks, tapes, server rack sliding thingy's and cables YET when you ask the teams what scruffy b***tard left them there, they don't know! Leading top scientists to believe the only explanation is teleportation by random pockets of energy in sub space. . . . either that or lazy twats. . . . the research is still inconclusive
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2009
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  4. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    4 - The Law of File Restoration

    Wherein the one backup tape/USB key/flash media/CD/DVD/hard drive/SAN array/NAS device that you need to restore a file will have failed, be missing, or be otherwise unavailable. If the media is available, it will not contain the file or files you are looking for.
     
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  5. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

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    5 - The law of inverse plug removal

    The more difficult you make it to remove a plug from a wall socket and the more obvious you make it that it should NEVER be unplugged, the more likely you make it that a cleaner will unplug it to do a spot of hoovering.

    A plug in an obvious socket, conveniently placed half way along an otherwise empty wall with gather dust and go un-noticed for years. The one right behind the server cabinet that takes a layer of skin off your arm just trying to reach it, painted red, superglued into the socket, with gaffer tape over it, with a dyno label on saying 'do not switch off' - will draw a cleaner like a lamp draws a moth and will get unplugged at least once a week.
     
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2009
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  6. zebulebu

    zebulebu Terabyte Poster

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    Lovin it

    I make that five so far...
     
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  7. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

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    6 - People value their own comfort over £X0,000

    Folks will turn the air-con off in the server room because it's a 'bit chilly' in there.

    And forget to turn it back on again.
     
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  8. Modey

    Modey Terabyte Poster

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    6b (addendum)

    If hypothermia sets in (largley because the Air Con was never positioned correctly in the server room) then £X0,000 can b***er off.

    6c - Death by server fans

    Hypothermia isn't as bad as bleeding ears when all your servers fans have hit 20,000rpm because they are too hot!

    6d - Every cloud ...

    If you reach 6c, then simply slide your server out on it's rails and cook a full English breakfast on the top of the server until the air con is fixed or turned back on. :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2009
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  9. Josiahb

    Josiahb Gigabyte Poster

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    4b (Addendum)

    This will always be discovered as a result of a user admitting they deleted the vitally important file in question 3 weeks previously and didn't say anything.

    This will then be your fault.
     
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  10. onoski

    onoski Terabyte Poster

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    Well not a good idea to try talking on tech support line in the server room with the air con on full blast and the SAN systems sounding like an helicopter.
     
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  11. Mr.Cheeks

    Mr.Cheeks 1st ever Gold Member! Gold Member

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    That sooo f***king pi**es me off!
     
  12. Geekzilla

    Geekzilla Nibble Poster

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    7. The law of Opposing Prevention

    The lacklustre and laissez-faire approach by finance managers to support preventative measures of system failures via upgrade/patching or being maintained, is directly propositional to the criticality and urgency of the eventual failure.
     
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  13. Sparky
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    Sparky Zettabyte Poster Moderator

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    8 - The law of admin rights.

    Despite configuring GPOs and lock down polices a piece of software will be purchased by someone in accounts which requires “full admin rights” to run. Expect to see realplayer and yahoo toolbar on your desktops the following day.
     
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  14. BosonMichael
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    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    Repped for absolute truth!!!
     
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  15. Geekzilla

    Geekzilla Nibble Poster

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    9. The Law of dot matrix printers

    In every payroll department there is at least one geriatric dot matrix printer which is being kept alive using spare parts from Ebay and duck tape. It only connects to a lone 486DX running Windows 95. It can only be operated by one middle aged woman called Sue.

    Its survival is your number 1 priority.
     
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  16. Gingerdave

    Gingerdave Megabyte Poster

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    To be fair anything in Payrole is my number 1 priority because if they dont work I dont get paid.
     
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  17. Rich165

    Rich165 Bit Poster

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    ...by strange quirk of fate, we've a live win 3.11 box driving a dot matrix printer :ohmy life without a start bar, truly dark times!:shocked
     
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  18. BosonMichael
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    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    And people laugh when I tell them that old OS support is STILL a good skill to have! :biggrin
     
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  19. ericrollo

    ericrollo Megabyte Poster

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    If you have never stood in a server room to get warm your not hardcore.
     
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  20. jk2447

    jk2447 Petabyte Poster Moderator

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    Couldn't agree more. A few weeks ago I had to look at a Windows 3.11 PC that run a piece of BACS software (transmits files to banks). Add to the mix it was on its own ISDN line and modem (128k) which I haven't seen for years!

    I've also worked on PC's running OS2 Warp within the last few months too, now there's one you don't see every day :eek:
     
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