If you think I'm bad with computers

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IF YOU THINK YOU`RE DUMB ABOUT COMPUTERS, READ THIS, YOU`LL FEEL BETTER.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command Press Any Key to Press Return Key because of the flood of calls asking where the Any key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn`t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician iscovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the Send key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was Bad and an invalid. The tech explained that the computer`s bad command and invalid responses shouldn`t be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it couldn`t find printer. The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn`t see the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn`t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened. The foot pedal turned out to be the computer`s mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn`t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, What power switch?

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn`t even fit it in... The user hadn`t realized that Insert Disk 2 implied removing Disk 1 first.