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If men ruled the world....

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by mattwest, Apr 28, 2004.

  1. mattwest

    mattwest Megabyte Poster

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    IF MEN RULED THE WORLD....

    * Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
    * Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
    * In order to expedite the sleeping-together part, eye contact would count as a first date.
    * Foreplay would be discarded in favor of a new concept: fourplay.
    * A man could give up a lucrative job for a career in karting without having to hold a "family meeting."
    * Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
    * Speaking solely in Clint Eastwood quotes would count as "opening up."
    * When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen.
    * Brassieres could be unclasped by gently blowing on them.
    * You could never be turned down when asking a woman to dance, because there'd be no more fuckin' dancing.
    * Answering machines would automatically edit out your lame jokes, coughing fits, and long, anguished pauses.
    * When women climaxed, they'd make a noise like a pinball machine.
    * Breaking up would be a lot easier-a smack on the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
    * Birth control would come in ale or lager.

    AH, BUT WHAT IF WOMEN RULED THE WORLD?

    * Every time you broke up with a girl, your penis would shrink by one inch.
    * In a divorce, the only money a man would be entitled to keep would be one dollar for every minute of postcoital conversation he'd engaged in over the course of the marriage.
    * Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
    * Terms of Endearment VII
    * All men would wear blinders while walking down the street.
    * All toilet seats would be bolted to their bowls.
     
    Certifications: See my signature...
    WIP: Maybe re-certify my CCNA
  2. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Matt, I've only met a few guys like you...so willing to stick his neck out so a gang of women could chop it off. Good luck, fella. I'm heading for the hills now <hastily exits>. :lol:
     
    Certifications: A+ and Network+
  3. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    I thought Matt's analysis was full of interesting, thoughtful and most of all, well-balanced ideas and constructs there :hhhmmm

    Aaach - bugger that, it was one of the best laughs we've seen in this rich joke-fest of late :lol:
     
    Certifications: MCP, A+, Network+
    WIP: Clarity
  4. mattwest

    mattwest Megabyte Poster

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    I thought i'd try and balance things with that one.... it has examples for the women too....!

    I am trying.... :wink:

    Anyway i'm running of those kind of jokes!

    :cry: :D
     
    Certifications: See my signature...
    WIP: Maybe re-certify my CCNA
  5. Greebo

    Greebo Byte Poster

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    Don't most then? :roll: :lol: :wink:
     
  6. tripwire45
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    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Do you??? :oops:
     
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  7. Greebo

    Greebo Byte Poster

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    Doesn't everyone ? :eek:
    Or am I the odd one out :lol:
     
  8. tripwire45
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    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Are there lights too, or just loud bells and clanging?
     
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  9. Greebo

    Greebo Byte Poster

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    Never noticed :wink: Don't get TILT :lol: Well, not often :lol:
     
  10. tripwire45
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    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Could ask the hubby, I suppose...
     
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  11. Greebo

    Greebo Byte Poster

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    :eek: Got rid of him 2 yrs ago (no, I didn't kill him) :lol:
     
  12. tripwire45
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    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    Mysterious disappearence is just is good and no one can pin it on you without a body. :eek:
     
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  13. Greebo

    Greebo Byte Poster

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    :wink: Thats the idea mate :lol:
     
  14. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Nicely brought back round to pinball there, Folks :D

    :scratch
     
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  15. Greebo

    Greebo Byte Poster

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    roflmfao :wink:
     

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