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I JUST SET MY HAIR ON FIRE !!!!!

Discussion in 'The Lounge - Off Topic' started by Jakamoko, Aug 1, 2003.

  1. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    ...NO REALLY, I DID !!!!

    Jeez, life in the Jakamoko house-hold is never ordinary !!!

    Mrs J was complaining that the Digibox for all that extra junk you can get on TV wasn't working, so I duly set about investigating cable connections, etc.

    Next thing, I hear what sounds like a whole bunch of static fizz - like what you get when you plug in your printer when the PC is switched on (never done that, honest :oops: )

    But NOOO !!! Mrs J has lit a candle right next to the TV, so when I'm leaning over to see the box - MY HAIR IS IN THE CANDLE !!!!!!!! So now, my house smells like a fire at the local Barber Shop :\

    SO - can anyone top that for ridiculous household disasters ???????

    And please, no smart answers along the lines of " So since when did Armadillos have hair, then ?" This one certainly doesn't !!! :cry:
     
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  2. Kelly

    Kelly Nibble Poster

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    Aw!! Poor Jak! :(

    I have numerous house hold disaster stories due to my dad being THE clumsiest man alive!!!...Lets see...

    When I was a kid we used to go away for weekends in a static caravan in Ripon. One night when mam and dad had got back from the pub, two moths had got in the caravan for the lights...as they do! Mam and me HATE moths! :x Horrible things! So mam ordered dad to dispose of them.

    Dad, in his drunken state, picked up a bath towel....thats right, not a rolled up newspaper like any normal person out for bugs....a BATH TOWEL! He then started to swing the towel at the moths. We all know where moths hang out when the lights are on and, if anyone has ever been in a static caravan, you will know how low the ceilings are.

    We had a glass coffee table in the centre of the room with a glass lampshade above it...note the past tense! Dad hit the lampshade with the towel which came straight down from the ceiling, hitting the glass coffee table and smashing both to smithereens!! :eek:

    Mam was furious!!! She sent him out to her friends caravan to find a hoover to clean up the mess. :evil:

    In the meantime...the moths drowned in the kitchen sink!! :lol:

    Mam still believes they died laughing! :lol:
     
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  3. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    I don't think I can top those stories and I can't, perhaps mercifully, recall any household disaster I was personally involved with, but one story about my son comes to mind. It's a tad "gross" so those with weak stomachs need not read this.

    The family was watching the video "Patch Adams" with Robin Williams. One of my sons...the one with a voracious appetite (yet never gains an ounce) had consumed a bizarre combination of food with included but was not limited to a giant plate of nachos and a big bowl of ice cream (you can probably guess what's coming).

    Robin Williams, being the hysterical performer he is, went through a series of jokes back to back within a few minutes. My son started laughing and couldn't stop. All of a sudden...oops! He got up and started running for the nearest bathroom...and didn't make it. What he'd eaten in the course of an evening, spewed up in a trail all over the carpet and into the bathroom.

    My wife, a veteran of the clean up wars, decided at that moment, that it was my turn. So, I got out the Bissel machine and spent about 45 minutes sucking up what my son had laid out. He'd wisely retired to his bedroom on this occasion. I thought he was actually ill but after the clean up, he reported that he felt fine and it was his almost convulsive laughter that brought about this unpleasant episode. Yuk!
     
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  4. Kelly

    Kelly Nibble Poster

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    Ooh! I thought of another one from dads collection... :lol:

    My parents had a brand new bathroom suite fitted and dad decided to fit an extracter fan on the wall above the bath.
    Off he goes outside with his hammer and chisel, climbs the ladder and starts knocking out the bricks for the hole. Work is going well and soon he can see the bathroom through the gap he's creating.
    As he gives the chisel an extra bash with the hammer it suddenly slips through his fingers, flies straight though the hole, and lands, bang smack it the middle of the brand new bath...up right! 8)

    This is a WHITE bath you must realise. A white bath with a big chisel sticking out of it. :puppy

    So...dad decides my mam will never notice if he can fill the hole in the bath. He goes to the shed, grabs some NAVY BLUE fibre glass for cars, and fills the hole in the bath with it! :idea:

    Once the fibre glass has set....he paints it white...with gloss!!!! :roll:

    Of course mam never noticed....IN HIS DREAMS!!! :gun
     
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  5. Jakamoko
    Honorary Member

    Jakamoko On the move again ...

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    Maybe this thread should be renamed "A Catalogue of Woes !"

    Dunno if this next belongs here, or in the Musical thread back at the ranch, but I thought I'd share this disaster as well ...

    Whilst still in the band we fell heir to a rather impressive electric piano (or rather, I did, as I was the piano guy) ! So, being electric, it was "portable", as opposed to your full size Grand Elton number !

    But saying that, it still took six of us in the band (none of us small guys) to move the thing. Luckily it was built on castors. Unluckily, those castors were held on with Blu-Tack. So I got a mate who was a welder to come and fit some industrial strength wheels to this (gorgeous-sounding) beast. At least, I thought he was a welder....

    So there we are, about to take the stage at King Tuts Wah Wah Hut ! The support band are clearing their gear after a fine set. The standard deal is that the main band is set up first, and moves their gear aside for the support, who quickly get out the way after their set - with me so far ?

    So they do just that, and at the same time, I start to move my piano into position, just us the support guy is moving his guitar gear away - oh dear - not quick enough....Two wheels give way on the piano, the guitarist is underneath getting his amp out, I'm underneath plugging my cables in...the whole damn beast collapses on us, and we get the biggest cheer ever heard in King Tuts :!: :oops:

    Which was nice ...
     
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  6. flex22

    flex22 Gigabyte Poster

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    I didn't realise you were musical Jakamoko, what type of band were you in?
     
  7. Kelly

    Kelly Nibble Poster

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    Dear me Flex, have you not read the musical background bit? We're all musical here to some degree...

    Even ~SimonV~ can play the kazoo! 8)
     
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  8. SimonV

    SimonV Petabyte Poster Administrator

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    You bet your aunt nelly I can. I can play a mean "fog on the tyne" Paul Gascoigne style.
     
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  9. Nelix
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    Nelix Gigabyte Poster

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    You mean badly then Si :D
     
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