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Grammar question

Discussion in 'The Lounge - Off Topic' started by rax, Sep 19, 2007.

  1. rax

    rax Megabyte Poster

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    Essential for the future success of the abc is the maintenance of gained data and the further penetration of the abc in the remaining fields of the corporation.

    Is there something wrong with this? I can't seem to figure out where/how to add a comma or anything else..

    Dave
     
    Certifications: ITIL v3 Foundation, CompTIA Network+
  2. GiddyG

    GiddyG Terabyte Poster Gold Member

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    Only place I can see you might want one is before the 'and'. It breaks up the sentence.
     
  3. Cockles

    Cockles Megabyte Poster

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    Can you change the sentence at all? Personally, I think it would read better to place a comma after 'data', to remove tha 'and', and put an 'as well as' before the 'the, so the sentence would read

    Essential for the future success of the abc is the maintenance of gained data, as well as the further penetration of the abc in the remaining fields of the corporation
     
    Certifications: None
    WIP: Trying to find my car keys
  4. Ossian

    Ossian Bit Poster

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    IMHO this sounds better:

    "The maintenance of gained data and further penetration in the remaining fields of the corporation is essential for the further success of the ABC"

    Tom
     
    Certifications: MCT, MCSE/A, MCDBA, MCDST, MCITP, Sec+
    WIP: Not sure....
  5. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    Sounds like a buncha corporate-speak to me... :blink
     
    Certifications: CISSP, MCSE+I, MCSE: Security, MCSE: Messaging, MCDST, MCDBA, MCTS, OCP, CCNP, CCDP, CCNA Security, CCNA Voice, CNE, SCSA, Security+, Linux+, Server+, Network+, A+
    WIP: Just about everything!

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