Going through torment, please advise.

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Although not outwardly apparent, this is how I'm feeling right now, tormented.

This because I inner doubts in my mind whether or not I'm on the right track with where I'm heading.
I don't want this to sound like me me me or anything, but at the end of the day it's my life, so I just want people to understand how I'm feeling, so they can share their wisdom.

I seem to have completely lost interest in what I'm studying.It just doesn't feel right for me anymore.I say anymore, because when I first started out I found it all new, exciting and interesting.

I want to stay in the computer world, I find it very interesting, not just this particular course and maybe I'm realising, not networking.

What I really enjoy reading and practising is programming.For some reason it just seem's to suit me so much more.A few months ago I seriously considered changing courses and packing my current one in altogether.I asked advice from many people all over the world, many of whom replied to me, with excellent advice.However, I bottled out of changing and stayed as I am.

This is probably boring to read but I need to tell somebody.I've always been the type to go my own way, to follow my gut.Because my parents always considered me to be the brightest out of 5 kids, they were shocked when I dropped out of college, especially because they had me down as a definite for Uni.This never bothered me though, because I always do what I feel is right.I don't regret for a moment not going to Uni at that age.I could always do a degree whenever.

How can I possibly go on when I can't summon the interest to even study my books anymore.I don't want to continue in that fashion, it's how I've behaved for the last few months but I'm sick and tired of it.I've probably taken out my frustration ina few posts at various forums, but I don't like the way it makes me, it's not the real me.

People have said to me that it's get's more interesting as you get more into it.Don't get me wrong, it is interesting, but I know it doesn't draw on my best strengths, which are creativity and coming up with ideas.Of course networking probably utilises these attributes, however not to the degree that I personally feel fulfilled.

I know I'm a stupid sod, your probably thinking that, but that's just me.

I'm saying everything crap I know, your probably used to that by now though.Maybe I'm not up to the challenge of MCSE.Personally, I don't think that's the problem.Maybe I can do it, bit it just doesn't feel right.I'm honestly not happy at the moment, and I don't want to go into the new year carrying on like that.

At the end of the day I alwas do what I feel is right.I do listen to people, honestly , but the buck stops with me when it come's to my life.
I actually give myself credit, because many people never admit to themselves that they've got it wrong, at least that's something good I possess.

This may come out of the blue, but one thing I am definitely am is honest, so their you have it.

I've just realised that I've gone on too long and am not making much sense, so I'll leave it their.

I'm sure all you mature, wise, good people, who I count as mate's can share your wisdom and guidance, thoughts.

Thanks

 

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There's one of two things probably going on. One, you really like networking but you're burned out from overwork and overexposure and need a break. It's the perfect time of year to take a break, this being the holidays and all. So take a break. Drop networking like a snake and goof off for awhile. When it comes time to study networking again, you'll feel better about it.

The other thing is that, as you've gotten older, explored the computer game in general, gotten some experience in various realms, you've discovered where your true interests lie. You just really love programming. There are two different people in the IT world, hardware and networking types and coders and you're a coder. I have known many very bright people who, upon achieving a four year degree...some from very fine universities such as UC Berkeley and Stanford, have immediately turned away from their chosen field to go into something completely different. They made their choices on a degree at 18 or 19 and by the time they reached 22 or so, they'd gotten old enough and experienced enough to understand what they really wanted.

Oh...one more catagory I just remembered...you may not do 'committment" well and have a hard time sticking to any one thing for very long, regardless of what it may be. This last one will be really tough to deal with because, if it's true, then no matter what field you choose at any point, when the newness wears off, you'll get bored and crave a change.

Solutions. First, you've explored this before and gotten a lot of advice. Review all that advice. The answer may lie there and there's probably no need to reinvent the wheel, so to speak.

If nothing there really floats your boat, take a vacation from networking. Get away from it. Read a few programming books over the holidays and see how it all hits you.

I don't know how the whole school money thing works for you. Maybe quitting networking at this point will cost you a whole lot of money. I don't know if you're paying for it or your parents are or you have loans but this is going to be a major consideration unless you don't mind just sacrificing a bunch of cash in this process. I also don't know how much time you've got left in your program. IF you have only one more semester (and you're suffering "senior-itis"), it might be best to stick it out, finish the degree and then move immediately into programming.

If you really, really hate networking and programming is your one, true love and you really can change horses in midstream, that could work, but my guess is that changing may be problematic.

I can't give you a definiate answer, flex. No one can. It's not our life. All that I can do...all that anyone can do, if give you are best opinions on the matter, given what information you provide, and lay it out in front of you. Your future is in your hands, buddy.

Couldn't sleep. It's a bit after 2:30 a.m. here. Thought I'd check out what was shaking at certforums. Guess that earned me the privledge of being the first to answer your tormented query. I wish I could help more. Sorry.

 

Hi Flex,

I thought I'd think over this one for a while before answering, because you certainly have.

Trip makes several great points in his reply, all of which are worthy of consideration, but I think your answer already lies in your original post.

You are the Master of your own destiny - you have put yourself where you are now, for your reasons, and the consequences are yours. I admire that. I think if everyone at CertForums shouted in your face at the same time, and you didn't agree, then you'd ignore us. That is a strength of character. I don't mean to try and massage your ego in any way - that would be no use to anyone.

All I can suggest is what has been already been said - WALK AWAY for a bit, take a break, look at some paintings,climb a hill, listen to some music, anything. Just detach yourself from all things study-related. We all have dark days - let no-one tell you otherwise. But you know what ? In the end, things tend to come good.And usually thats because you have taken the right decision.

So go and read up on programming - h€ll, I know less then zero about it, and I think your brave going there, but thats just me. But do it, see what you think - leave networking for a few weeks. Then, ask yourself, do I miss the networking side of things ? Or maybe you won't even ask that, because your fully focused on programming. Who knows ?

Sorry if the above is boring, useless, patronising, or all three, but it's what I would do in your position.

But in the meantime, Flex - give it some breathing space and enjoy your Festive Season with those around you that care and respect what you do.

 

Flex, I know a bit of the torment you're going through. Just wondering though, if you like programming so much is it possible to do some extra classes for it.

My thinking is that anyone can learn to program a computer. Buy a book, learn the language, write your program, release it on the web and crash millions of computers daily around the world. Why? They have no idea how a computer really works.

But, a really good programmer knows whats going on inside the computer. He knows how the whole system hangs together and should interact with his code when it runs. Judging from your posts and the ideas I've seen from you I think you could be a sh1t hot programmer.

Why? Because you would know where the problems areas lie and see them before they become problems. You would know how the system hangs together because of your studies. You could see your present courses as the groundwork. You don't become a brain surgeon overnight, you work up to it.

Hope this makes sense.

Anyway, make sure you take a good break over christmas (just emailing and surfing allowed). Doctors orders.

 

Your advice ia greaty appreciated.Thanks a "trillion" guys

I don't want to say much at the moment because I haven't come to a conclusion.

I've written to computeach (my training provider) for advice.
The help I get here is far better though.Computeach will simply tell me how much it will cost to change courses.
This torment has gained momentum because it's crunch time, as in time for my exams soon.Although I don't feel confident and I'm not proficient in all aspects, it really is time I at least had a go.

If I decide not to do my exams, then computeach may make the switch cheaper, because I've not cost them anything.Anyway, that's part of my strategic thinking.

Your advice is excellent, full stop.

Earlier I put my books away out of sight and imagined I wasn't even on a course.I felt physically better instantly, like a weight was lifted from me.

I'm going to do what you say, which is spot on, get away from it and just relax over the holiday.

Ok flex, thought you weren't gonna say much, lol :P

I'll answer you all properly another time, after I've thought more.

Meantime, think I'll have a beer.

Cheers guys

 

Sounds like your last idea was a good one.

Have a few beers and start by just having a good Xmas

Even if you decide to go the development route the time you have spent won't be wasted....
It seems like you need to be multi-talented in the IT industy for a lot of jobs.

It looks like you have an ideal oppertunity to take a break over Xmas and just wait for your head to clear after New Years Eve before making your mind up.

You can be sure that those here will wish you all the best whatever you choose. If you can enjoy your career how much better will this make you in your chosen field ????

I know how much more effort I've put into my job because I've had the oppertunity to get stuck in rather than been limited to just the jobs my job discription lists.

 

Brother, whatever you decide to do, we are with you. I've been a young fellow once and I know it's tough to make these decisions. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier with age but, at least for me, it hasn't. Perhaps it never does. Remember, whatever you do in most cases, a decision won't be fatal or irreversable. It will however, always have an effect. Who knows how we live our lives and what comes of the consequences. Just be the best possible "flex" you can be and that will have to be enough. We've all gone through it and we'll go through it again. It comes part and parcel with living.