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Exam answers

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Clyde, Oct 25, 2005.

  1. Clyde

    Clyde Megabyte Poster

    558
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    As ever, allegedly from the mouths of babes, this time in Finglas, Dublin.


    Geography
    Q: Name the four seasons.
    A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

    Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
    A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
    pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

    Q: How is dew formed?
    A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

    Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
    A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All
    water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.


    Sociology
    Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
    A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well
    endowed.

    Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
    A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an
    election.

    Q: What are steroids?
    A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.


    Biology
    Q: What happens to your body as you age?
    A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

    Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
    A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his
    adultery.

    Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
    A: Premature death.

    Q: What is artificial insemination?
    A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

    Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
    A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

    Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.
    abdomen)
    A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the
    borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the
    borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains
    the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

    Q: What is the Fibula?
    A: A small lie.

    Q: What does "varicose" mean?
    A: Nearby.

    Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
    A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

    Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
    A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

    Q: What is a seizure?
    A: A Roman emperor.

    Q: What is a terminal illness?
    A: When you are sick at the airport

    Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic
    feature?
    A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
    umbrellas.


    English
    Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand
    its meaning.
    A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

    Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
    A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


    Technology
    Q: What is a turbine?
    A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head
     
    Certifications: A+, Network+, Security+, MCSA, MCSE
    WIP: MCITP
  2. moominboy

    moominboy Gigabyte Poster

    superb clyde! :biggrin

    im off googling for more "out of the mouths of babes"

    ok, found this and there are just too many to start posting here...

    http://www.humormatters.com/babes.html

    this one is from kids but i was looking for the fhm version of women talking crap!
     
    Certifications: ECDL
    WIP: A+

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