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Changes 50 years can make

Discussion in 'The Lounge - Off Topic' started by tripwire45, Jan 8, 2007.

  1. tripwire45
    Honorary Member

    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    OK, not always apt, but does make you shake your head...


    Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.

    1956 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his
    car and gets his to show Jack.

    2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and
    never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized
    students and teachers.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++

    Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

    1956 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best
    friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.

    2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge
    them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

    1956 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits
    still in class.

    2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets
    extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a
    whipping.

    1956 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college,
    and becomes a successful businessman.

    2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care
    and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she
    remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has
    affair with psychologist.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

    1956 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.

    2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car
    searched for drugs and weapons.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.

    1956 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special
    school for expectant mothers.

    2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the
    ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her
    parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more
    careful next time.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

    1956: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

    2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper
    articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement
    for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state
    school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core
    curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living
    because he can't speak English.

    +++++++++++++++++++++

    Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July,
    puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

    1956 - Ants die.

    2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic
    terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers
    confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed
    to fly again.

    +++++++++++++++++++++

    Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He
    is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.

    1956 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

    2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She
    faces 3 years in State Prison.
     
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  2. twizzle

    twizzle Gigabyte Poster

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    You forgot..

    Johnny falls out of 3rd floor window at school.

    1956---- Johnny told to be more careful as he's carried of to hospital. Leans to look first and consider the consqeunces. Grows up to be more thoughtful.

    2006--- Johnny sues school for carlessness due to leaving windows open and becomes a layabout millionaire. School puts bars on all windows and has to apply for special standing funds to carry on.
     
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  3. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

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    I know you meant it as a tongue in cheek jest Trip, but when you look at it the best comedy moments in come from real life.:D
     
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  4. juice142

    juice142 Megabyte Poster

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    The Uk version:

    A SQUIRRELS TALE

    REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

    The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

    THE END
    ________________________________________

    THE U.K. VERSION:
    The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

    Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

    A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

    The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

    The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.

    The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

    The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

    Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

    In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

    The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.

    He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

    The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

    Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.

    The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.

    The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

    Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

    A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house.

    He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.

    The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.

    The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.

    He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

    A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.

    Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.

    The asylum-seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

    The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

    They call for the resignation of a minister.

    The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.

    The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds. :dry

    THE END

    From http://www.boreme.com/
     
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