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A "the shoe is on the other foot" style rant... ish...kind of...

Discussion in 'The Lounge - Off Topic' started by Arroryn, Oct 7, 2008.

  1. Arroryn
    Honorary Member

    Arroryn we're all dooooooomed

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    Well it's not a rant really, but I remember a thread from way back when, I think it was Nugget started it, as he was working all the hours God sent, and when he got home the woman just nagged.

    Well.

    I don't mind saying that I think I've been working bloody hard recently. I've been helping support our Dubai office, which means a 6am start some days in the week - including working every other Sunday 6 till 2. I spend two days a week in London, and have to be able to travel to our Nottingham and Leicester offices as well to make sure users there are happy-snap. I'm often on call as well (well, I have a Blackberry. Let's face it, when you've got one of those, you never really leave the office...)

    I have a question for you men out there. How hard is it, to do anything?

    My other half hardly seems to lift a finger round the house, especially when I'm gone. He only starts when I come back from work and like some kind of little tornado, have a bit of a go then get mad as he scurries round asking silly questions like "do you want me to throw away this little shard of plastic?".

    Grrrrr.

    Was a quite nice gesture tonight, he said he'd sort dinner. I arrived at the station from Laaaaaandon around 7pm, he was there to pick me up. He'd picked up an oven-doable Indian meal for two. Fair enough, I wasn't expecting cordon bleu, he's not a keen cook. I went for a walk to the local Tesco Express to pick up some bits that only I ever think to buy (fabric conditioner, dusters, bleach... milk?) get back... *sniff *sniff*

    1 x Indian Meal for 2. 180 degrees for 30 minutes, or 160 in a fan assisted oven. We have a fan assisted oven. I'd been gone 25 minutes. The bloody thing was on 220 degrees.

    I've never tried to eat rice harder than my teeth before.

    I mean... it's not tough, is it? Am I meant to be beating him to make him do his chores properly? I mean, I love the man something fierce, but when you work like a **** all day, and then come home and have to pull a "shift" of house work, on top of studying... gggggggggggggggaaaaaaaarrrrrrghhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnn :sleeping

    Okay. I feel better now. Move away people, nothing to see here :tune

    But on a serious note... how do all of you balance the home/work/having a life thing? I mean, I know it's not as tough for me certainly as I don't have children to cope with (just goldfish, and given the state of their tank sometimes, it's just as well I don't have kids). I just *makes pained gesture*

    Sometimes, I just get to the point where I want to tear my hair out, but I'm so tired that it's not really worth the effort. /rant
     
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  2. AJ

    AJ Administrator Administrator

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    You know what, my misses says the same and I can't understand it either.

    Then again, when I do cook, and I have to admit it isn't very often, I can. When I met Mrs AJ we were both at college and she was doing a receptionist course and I was doing catering. So I am a qualified chef (well only at the lowest level). I do like cooking chinese and anything different. Day to day cooking bores me s***less.
     
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  3. BosonMichael
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    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    I dunno about him... but I literally don't notice what you guys think needs to be done. I stick to tasks that it's easy to see there's something to be done. For example, I do the dishes... because I can see there are dishes to be done. But vacuuming, dusting, window cleaning, etc... unless something's spilled, I don't notice any of it being dirty. <shrug> Stuff left on the table, the steps, my nightstand... they don't really bother me, but they bother my wife.

    If I'm helping clean, and there is a little shard of plastic on the floor... I'll do the same thing he did - I'll ask if you want it kept, and if so, where do you want it put. Cause if we don't put it where you want it... oooooh, woe be unto us. It's easier and less stressful to just ask you. And I would guess that you would say that it's easier and less stressful for you to just do it yourself than for us men to ask you where things go over and over and over again.

    I can cook, provided there are specific directions. If it says "Cook at 160 in a fan-assisted oven for 30minutes", I can do that. But if it says "Cook until brown"... :unsure ehhh, then I start wondering what shade of brown you mean. If there's any ambiguity, my chemistry mindset doesn't compute it very well.
     
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  4. twizzle

    twizzle Gigabyte Poster

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    See now its teh opposite for me. My g/f comes hoem at around 14:30 (works part time), picks my duaghter up at 15:00 from school then does nothing but sit playing games on her pc until i come home, then she starts tea. No hother house work gets done, except loading teh dish washer or washing machine. I dont get home until 18:00 so by tiem we've had tea etc its gone 7ish and i cant be ared to do anything then.

    On weekends, i'm the one sweeping the floor, dusting, picking things up and putting them in thier correct places. I empty the bins, and do any other house work i feel needs doing, and i hate it. I have other things i want to do with my time and never get round to doing half of them. Yet if i say anything to teh G/f she looks at me and say "i do do teh house work, i do the washing and drying! And i've worked hard during teh week"....
    What she means is " I sort the clothes to put them in teh washing machine, then empty them into teh dryer when ready, spend the rest of my time sat on my rear end playing games! Oh and i've done 16 to 20 hours at work this week."

    No wonder a Womans works never done....................
     
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  5. zebulebu

    zebulebu Terabyte Poster

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    I share all of it except ironing - I flat out refuse to iron anything - I'm **** at it and hate it. We have an arrangement - I wash and dry up, she irons. Works fine for both of us. My wife is borderline obsessive about cleanliness, and gets in earlier than me, so usually ends up doing it by default. If I'm in on housework days either before her or because I'm working from home, I'll do the housework.

    Any man in a household where both partners work who welches out of this is pathetic - part of being married or cohabiting is making sacrifices to help each other out - one of these is keeping the house tidy to the detriment of some of your leisure time. Admittedly, if my wife didn't work, I'd be damned if I did the housework but, since we're both breadwinners, we share it, simple as that.

    Tell your other half to man up.
     
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  6. GrumbleDook

    GrumbleDook Byte Poster

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    It is pretty easy for me and my better half ... we are both work-a-holics so *nothing* gets done around the house.

    Actually, we do try and spread it around. She will cook and I'll clear up (she hates my cooking ... partly because I am not getting enough practice to keep my hand in and get the timing wrong and partly because it is *her* kitchen!), we both sort out the washing and I do all the ironing (I am *not* letting anyone else near my clothes with a heated lump of metal ... ), we try and share keeping the house tidy and we both do the panic dash when we have family / friends popping over. We both get frustrated at times .. but just try to relax as we know it is nothing personal and that if the other realises it is upsetting then we do whatever we can to make life better.

    Oh yeah ... the threat of throwing my computers in the bin helps to get me moving, and the threat of stopping access to celeb gossip or soaps works on her.
     
  7. tripwire45
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    tripwire45 Zettabyte Poster

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    I'll go along with what Michael said about the differences between what men and women notice. On Sunday, we did a big cleaning binge and she got excited about stuff I didn't understand. She cleaned all the windows and just couldn't say enough about how much more light was getting into the house. I honestly didn't notice.

    I could understand mowing and edging the lawn (which I do) and sweeping and vacuuming (which she did) and cleaning out the garage (which I mainly did), but I don't understand why she actually mopped part of the garage floor (it's concrete for cryin' out loud) and why she complained about some small stains on one of the garage walls near the garbage can (it's an unfinished garage...they aren't supposed to be spic and span).

    I do laundry and dishes and cleaned the stove (which I hate). I generally clean the bathroom and the part I hate about that is the shower. I'd rather clean a toilet than the shower.

    I'm not a great cook. I do barbecue ok and can do eggs for breakfast and that sort of thing, but I'm not really good at preparing a meal with all the fixings. She's more of the cook when she gets time, but she works horrible hours sometimes. Last night, she was still gone (at her accounting class) when I went to bed and she's not home from work yet this evening.

    I do admit that I'd rather do my writing and studying projects. On Sunday, when she kept adding to my "honey do" list, I started getting antsy since I had other priorities I wanted to get to. You could say "just do them in the evening, but I'm a "morning person". My brain starts to shut down in terms of any really serious concentration sometime after 5 p.m. I can force myself to continue on a "mental" project, but as the evening progresses, it gets harder to focus.

    I think the some basic cleanliness issues bother the both of us, but she notices more and it bothers her sooner. I can usually tolerate more before some switch gets flicked inside my head, triggering me into action.

    I think you and your intended need to sort this out *before* you get married. If you don't, it won't change once the honeymoon is over. If this is really, really important for you, as the relationship goes on and nothing changes, mild annoyance will change into anger and resentment. You don't want to go there. It's ugly.
     
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  8. Mitzs
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    Mitzs Ducktape Goddess

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    Girl, seriously? You need to sit that boy down and have a long talk with him. Because it is only going to get worse if you don't nip it in the bud now. 10 minutes of moving things around just doesn't cut it when you are pulling the hours you are. If you have to do it all you might as well live alone.

    Joe cooks, cleans, and does the laundry. He doesn't have to but he does pitch in if I am having a bad day. Or if work is really slow I'll get up and the dishes will be done with the laundry started. Drives me crazy that I can't break him from washing the towels and socks togather and I have white lint all over the place but atleast he is pulling his own weight and then some. A relationship is both give and take and I think you need to remind that ole boy of yours about that. Your NOT his home away from home mommy! You shouldn't have to nor should it be expected that you do it all. He can't cook. Ok I get that, but come on, reheating something with directions on how to is not that hard. It sounds like he is already starting to groom you girlfriend for down the road. Nip it, and do it now.
     
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  9. Arroryn
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    Arroryn we're all dooooooomed

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    Thanks for the replies, guys.

    I like Trip's idea of a "honey do" list. I think I'll have a bash at one of those. Putting up what I would like him to do on a big neon sign is something he can't particularly ignore. lol.
     
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  10. BosonMichael
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    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    If you do, spell it out for him. Don't give him room for confusion or misunderstanding. What I mean is, don't say you need him to vacuum when the floors need it... tell him to vacuum every Tuesday (or however often you both agree to do it). I speak from experience: my wife told me to "mow the grass when it needs it". Her definition of "when it needs it" and mine obviously differed. :oops: So I told her I would do it every two weeks, and when two weeks rolls around, I either do it, or I ask her if it can wait another week.
     
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  11. neutralhills

    neutralhills Kilobyte Poster

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    I work 65+ hours a week in my store and doing service calls in the area. I don't clean. My wife would like me to, but I refuse to. If I'm going to do something I don't like, I intend to get paid $90/hr for it.

    My wife would like me to help with the cleaning. I offered to hire a cleaning lady at $15/hr. She said no because she doesn't want a stranger in the house. Fine. She gets to clean. Or she gets a cleaning lady. Her choice.
     
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  12. Arroryn
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    Arroryn we're all dooooooomed

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    Well that would be nice. But I often get to those kinds of hours a week, and we can't afford a cleaning lady :rolleyes:
     
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  13. Mitzs
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    Mitzs Ducktape Goddess

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    I agree with Mike, make sure he knows what to do and when to do it. If you have to type it out and leave him a how to list. By the way if you do have carpet it is a good idea to vacumm it every day if not atleast every other day unless that room is just not used and then once a week. It will save the life of your carpet. And before anyone ask, yes I do vacumm mine ever day almost. It nevers goes more then 2 days and even that isn't often. And for pete sake teach him how to make grill cheese sandwhiches with a can of soup, or cook a bake potatoe in the mircowave with a nice salad is a nice meal. How to make spaghetti with garlic bread. All easy enough even a non cook can do it. And if you make something really good freeze the left overs with instructions on it to reheat. And for the love of god get the man an egg timer to help prevent burning stuff.:biggrin
     
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  14. Arroryn
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    Arroryn we're all dooooooomed

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    Mitzs honey, we're talking about a man who has to ask how to tell when chips are cooked, or how to tell if mince is cooked... I don't mind cooking, I quite enjoy it (unless I'm super-knackered, in which case it's beans on toast with poached egg). He washes up and I cook, that's the only arrangement we have. It's the washing, drying (well as Twizz said that's not too much effort on its own) the ironing, the dusting, bleaching the bathrooms, changing the bed linen, vacuuming, mowing the lawns, weeding, keeping the stove and microwave clean...... *grinds teeth*

    I've told him I want "a little chat" tonight. He always knows he's in trouble when I want a little chat.
     
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  15. Qs

    Qs Semi-Honorary Member Gold Member

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    *the sound of whips cracking*


    I kid, I kid! :p

    For my arrangement we split stuff pretty much like Zeb does. The lady does the cooking and I do the washing/drying up.

    We both tend to do as much work around the house as each other with regards to hoovering, cleaning yadda yadda so it's a fairly reasonable set-up.

    What I get annoyed about though is cleaning out / feeding her cats. She had them before me, she still has them... yet I'm expected to tend to their every whim.

    *sigh*

    Tell your man to grow a pair or pay you for your cleaning expertise. :p

    Qs
     
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  16. BosonMichael
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    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    Coming from someone who married a woman with four cats and a dog... when you date/marry her, you take the cats as part of the bargain. Love her, love her cats. Sorry, man... 99% of the time, it's a "No cats, no deal" sort of thing.
     
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  17. BosonMichael
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    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    Unfortunately for me, my wife doesn't agree with our suggestion. She tells me, "I'm not your mom - I shouldn't have to tell you when to do things. You should already know what needs to be done."

    I love my wife dearly... but she absolutely doesn't understand. :(
     
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  18. Leehaa

    Leehaa Gigabyte Poster

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    We (kind of) went through similar when we first moved in together. I worked late...and he worked later...

    We had a HUGE argument (or two) a few months after we had moved in together.

    Now, we pretty much share everything, and have been for a couple of years without too much fuss.

    We both used to HATE the ironing and the cleaning equally as much, so did a deal. He thought I suited the ironing better and I thought he suited the cleaning more...so on a Sat I do the washing..and some of the house chores...and he does the rest...on Sunday I do the ironing (along with my comforts, such as omnibus' on the Tv or a film / documentry to get me through) ...and he does more house chores.

    During the week, we don't get much time so it's kind of a 'leave the housework and, whoever's home first tries to get dinner ready for the 'other half' - type situation. We do really simple but healthy pasta meals and stuff - sometimes enough that we can just put it in the fridge then heat up in the microwave another day if we are both running late. Yes, the food gets boring, but at least it's healthy...and we can make up for it with some naughty stuff :twisted:on our days off (takeaway or whatever) .

    Problem is that you are incredibly busy - what you really need to do, as previously suggested is write up an achieveable rota and stick to it...even if just for food. It really does help if you do something like a simple pasta bake - enough for 4 helpings so that you can help yourself to it on one of those 'desperate' evenings later in the week when you both really can't be bothered (4 minutes it takes us to microwave + some frozen peas for another 4)...
    We really struggled with food the most until we tried a rota..the rota took a fair few months to adjust to, but eventually we got used to it!

    Like Mitzs said though, you need to get him into the habit now or...


    Most of the time now, the above tends to work and all is good :hug
     
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  19. UCHEEKYMONKEY
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    UCHEEKYMONKEY R.I.P - gone but never forgotten. Gold Member

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    I totally agree with you there mate... I hate ironing too, so much got myself a trouser press. I Hate it, I hate I hate it...did I tell you hate Ironing! LOL:p

    I think shirts are the worst! You can buy shirts that easy iron, in other words you wash them stick them on a coat hanger to dry and skip the ironing bit!

    Arroryn - Dam it Girl! You got to set some ground rules! like everyone else has said here. There's 2 people in the relationship, don't be door mat! Your not his mother, he's got to pull his weight.


    In the relationship I have with my g/f:-
    I cook.. (I find I live longer..vimto in the vinegar bottle) although one time she did make me sweet and sour but used rice pudding rice instead of normal rice and she didn't have chicken, so she used tuna.

    It was a nice gesture but tasted awful!:eek: Even the cat would eat it!:cry:

    Anyway we are both adults in the relationship and we both respect each other.

    How old is he? Does he work full time?:blink
     
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  20. Arroryn
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    Arroryn we're all dooooooomed

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    Hey UCM :)

    He's twenty seven. Yeah he works full time, and is also doing a part time degree.

    But it's okay. We had "the chat" and everything's been 100% better since. It's not a rota the way Rimmer draws up rotas, but if we'd spent the time to do that the house would have decomposed :rolleyes: :biggrin
     
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