A few quickies

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Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy ?
A: She's withholding evidence.

Q: What's the difference between light and hard ?
A: You can sleep with a light on.

Q: Why is sex like a bridge game ?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

Q: What's the height of conceit ?
A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common ?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.

Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive ?
A: Because it scares the shite out of the dog.

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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says,"What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid ?100 for doing what I do for you for free!"
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies... "I'm going to London too. I want to see you live on ?200 a year!"

 

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I like, I like a lot