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A couple of IT jokes...

Discussion in 'Just for Laughs' started by Danshand, Nov 26, 2009.

  1. Danshand

    Danshand Nibble Poster

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    I was reading the paper the other day and saw the headline "Students die in safari crash".

    I couldnt help thinking, "I'll bet they wish they'd used internet explorer now".

    ------


    A man goes home to his wife and shows her his latest tattoo of a spreadsheet on his chest.

    "You've really excelled yourself this time!" she says.

    ------

    What's (buffering 21%) the (buffering 45%) best way (buffering 69%) to lose (buffering 86%) a (buffering 100%) hard-on?
     
    Certifications: Many.
    WIP: MCITP, ITIL
  2. dazza786

    dazza786 Megabyte Poster

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    amazing, shared with my colleague

    however i thikn we should keep to one thread instead of all these threads popping up

    ...just a thought
     
    Certifications: MCP (271, 272, 270, 290, 291, 621, 681, 685), MCDST, MCTS, MCITP, MCSA, Security+, CCA(XA6.5)
  3. Danshand

    Danshand Nibble Poster

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    True true, I'd be up for somebody merging this with another thread, I have plenty more 'funnys'...
     
    Certifications: Many.
    WIP: MCITP, ITIL
  4. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

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    You have? :blink


    :biggrin
     
    Certifications: MCT, MCTS, i-Net+, CIW CI, Prince2, MSP, MCSD
  5. nameslot

    nameslot New Member

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    Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days.

    They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses, and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not"changing his mind. So, . .

    Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

    Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have bad news and more bad news. The first was . . . there "is" a God. The second was that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."

    Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First . . . God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Second . . . you don't have to fix the bugs in Windows 98.
     
  6. JonnyMX

    JonnyMX Petabyte Poster

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    Still working on them?

    :eek:

    :biggrin
     
    Certifications: MCT, MCTS, i-Net+, CIW CI, Prince2, MSP, MCSD
  7. nugget
    Honorary Member

    nugget Junior toady

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    A few of the new error messages that were taken under consideration during the development of the Windows XP operating system...

    • Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
    • Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
    • BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
    • Close your eyes and press escape three times.
    • File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
    • Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
    • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
    • Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
    • Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
    • Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
     
    Certifications: A+ | Network+ | Security+ | MCP (270,271,272,290,620) | MCDST | MCTS:Vista
    WIP: MCSA, 70-622,680,685
  8. Danshand

    Danshand Nibble Poster

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    "Hi, I'm Josef Fritzl, and no Windows was my idea."
     
    Certifications: Many.
    WIP: MCITP, ITIL
  9. Stormhawk

    Stormhawk Bit Poster

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    lol Might have to bookmark this thread and see where it goes lol
     
    Certifications: None
    WIP: Comptia A+
  10. lifecoach

    lifecoach New Member

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    :biggrin:D:) Superb one!!! At least I got a reason to laugh at chilling Bucharest
     
  11. lifecoach

    lifecoach New Member

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    :D
    Can't resist to make a comment......again SUPERB one. Keep posting. At least I got something to pass my hardest time though..
    :)
     
  12. BosonMichael
    Highly Decorated Member Award

    BosonMichael Yottabyte Poster

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    I'm sure you can't, considering the spam in your signature. :dry

    What's up with the rash of signature spammers these days? It's getting horribly bad...
     
    Certifications: CISSP, MCSE+I, MCSE: Security, MCSE: Messaging, MCDST, MCDBA, MCTS, OCP, CCNP, CCDP, CCNA Security, CCNA Voice, CNE, SCSA, Security+, Linux+, Server+, Network+, A+
    WIP: Just about everything!
  13. cerberus

    cerberus New Member

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    BILL MEETS SATAN

    Eventually, Bill croaks and Satan is there to greet him. "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

    Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.

    He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.

    Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.

    Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

    "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

    "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

    "That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't!"

    "What about the PC?"

    "It's got Windows XP!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys,"

    "Which three?"

    "Control, Alt and Delete."
     
    Certifications: 10m front crawl (that might of expired)
    WIP: A+, Network+

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